Dec 12: Frozen Moon

There's something in your eyes, there's something I can see.

You've got a dark side no one is allowed to see.

Always lonesome in your eyes, 

the eyes of a lonely child.

I wish there was something I could do.

But all I do is ask the frozen moon to shine where you are

and tell you that  I am here, thinking of you.

Frozen Moon  (by Tona)

I'm really, really late for this one, but still on time. This one, though it is part of this Advent Calendar, has been done to be the cover of a Christmas special and wonderful album. So it's finally done, and it really took me so long to finish this one. 

I'd like to say so many things about it, but I feel that none feels as alright as that little text I've posted before, it's Christmas, it's Winter, the nights are beautifully cold, the stars shine brighter than ever, the cold gets through you and somehow makes you sad, but there are always some little electric lights slightly glimmering through the blue of the night, the blue of your heart, bringing that bit of joy.

Goodnight everyone, happy enchanted 12/12/12.

Lonesome

I moved around from town to town

lots of people around 

but still so lonely.

Friendships would grow

then I'd hit the road

making up excuses for why I had to leave.

Always been too scared and unprepared

to let anybody get too close to me..

You Love Me - Kimya Dawson

I love the rest of the lyrics. I really do. But I left them out just because I don't think they really fit in here. Not at all. Not y..

As you can see I'm in a kick for Kimya Dawson lately.. but the idea of drawing this has been on my head for days. So please don't blame me. I can't help myself but thinking like this when I hear this song.. Because maybe I'm wrong and just being dumb, but I feel someone must be so lonely right now, no matter how many people around or how many little lovely things in the air (cause it's autumn). And it feels so wrong not being able to do anything.

So if I'm mistaken, sorry for caring too much. If not, please, please, please, even if only for a moment, close your eyes, think of a wonderful thought and I'll send you some pixie dust so that you'll be able to fly tonight.

Listening to Searching For Heaven

That song has always made me so sad. I know I try not to bring it too close to my heart nor my life, because I know if I do, if I kind of "open my eyes", I'll completely fall apart. But no matter the trying, it strikes really hard every single time I listen to it (which is pretty often).

Is one of those songs that you should not listen to when you're sad, 'cause they can do more harm than anything else. Even though I love it to the bones and it has a special place in my heart, I feel like this with Searching For Heaven.

I know, I know, Searching For Heaven is not the only one, but today I've found something that's the main reason why I've done this drawing up here.

"The idea that teenage girls are listening to a song like 'Searching for Heaven' is a wonderful thought for me." J.G. (here the whole interview)

And so, the idea of a Teenage girl listening to Searching For Heaven really got me. And I don't know why, really. Maybe as I tend to do, I gave this more meaning than it really has. But it felt stong. 

I don't know how to say it, but it was not something that I'd say I liked like "woaah yeah!" nor something that I disliked at all. It was just there, and it felt tangible, I'd say. And I don't know if I'm even making sense, I'd say no, but that's probably because I don't understand it myself. It just strucked hard, the whole quote, not just the idea. But I don't know..

Well, I don't know if I'm a teenager anymore or what (not literally though). I'd say sometimes. But just as some other times I'm an old lady and some other I'm still a 9 year old child (or less than that) I don't think age has really much to do with how you feel about yourself.

...this is a huge deviation from the main plot. Sorry.

Anyway, Teenagers listening to Searching For Heaven and probably, crying because of it. 

What's the use?

If words can't touch you, what's the use of using them? If I'll never reach you, what's the use of stretching out my hand?  If, whatever I do, you'll never care, what's the use of keep trying? 

If you try not to get too attached to things, what's the use of having those things? They become meaningless and I don't believe you if you say so.

I'm tired of trying, of feeling stupid, crazy, of being a foolish always repeating myself, always doing the same, and things always ending up the same way. Why can't time make any difference?, why I keep on going and walking the same way, falling every single time in the same gaps?

I'd say it's even boring. I don't know what to expect anymore.. someone who'll care? maybe? Is that even possible? Someone who really cares? not being number two, three, four.. etc. No, being number one, just for once.... I think I'm asking too much. I'm sorry.

Not at my best, and making a big effort not to say a word where I shouldn't.

And it's all for a reason as simple as this:

No one cares about the ones that care.

The Other Self

..is always there, waiting to arise

I don't know, but I have this feeling that you only show what you want the others to see, and that there's always an other self of yourself (better or worse) hiding there. 

This was just a quick, quick doodle. At first I wanted to play just with brown and yellow, but...

The last night

I did a little piece of illustration.. I was playing with new brushes and I made up this text after doing the illustration (though I added more details after the text was written) Hope you like this little thing, I don't think it needs much more words, really.

I wanted to make a moment in which you're seeing/living something that's so beautiful but you know that soon it is gonna end, and though you're enjoying that moment the most, you can help but thinking about its ending.

It makes me think of this song by The Field Mice called When You Sleep

The Secrets I'll Keep for Myself

".. those are the things I wanna keep for myself. The secrets I'm not going to tell you."

This was mainly thought for tumblr, but I did like it enough to post it here. I don't know why, but so many times I feel some thoughts or some self secrets can't be trusted to anyone. At least not at first. Maybe in a way I feel that if I do, they become something real. Something that's there, and reality has always been so cruel, so I try my best to keep reality away from my secrets. Some of them.

I just hope you don't think that by "secrets" I mean something bad. Some times they are, not always. Secrets can be really good things, and a mix of good and bad might be the very best combination.